Gift Skeptics Pillows

'I know it's the thought that counts - what were you thinking?'

Another day at work would be one too many...

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

'At least we don't have to worry about getting those as gifts.'

Holiday Shopping for Guys

"Oh look Harold, a flower shop!"

'A 1982 bottle of KMart Beaujolais Nouveau? You shouldn't have, really. I mean you really, really shouldn't have...really.'

'I know yesterday was your birthday, but you're so hard to shop for.'

'Two idiots don't make a good gift!'

"Really, it's okay of you don't like it. I'll just put it back in the neighbor's garbage."

The Golden Book of Lying & Cheating

"Every year it's the same old thing. Another pair of socks and another double chin."

'I'm lousy at picking out gifts. Last year I gave her money, which was great until the dye-pack exploded.'

'I put hopeless at Christmas shopping into a search engine and your name came up!'

"...Now will you believe me! It's too...big!"

"My wife's bra size? I don't know, about like this I guess."

'What's the catch?'

"I'd be very happy to give if I could be confident the money was spent well!"

Child's Birthday: 'More junk, I bet!'

Funeral Directors signs say 'Sale - Shop till you drop!'

'If I really was, do you think the kids would have even bothered to buy me a gift?'

"No Dad! I said I wanted Minecraft!"

Well, the cat guide says, 'If your cat brings home a dead animal, consider it a gift of love - he's 'feeding' you.' Hmph... Nothing in here about a salad, though...

'About this patriarchal middle-class morality of yours....'

"Ms. Jones, find out what my favorite charity is and let me know please."

IOU Christmas

"Nobody gets excited about fruitcake."

Obese man on workout chair.

Just think of us as the control group for the affluent society.

'What did you get him?'

"Any idea what you're getting Bill for Coronaversary?"

'Do you have to return everything I buy you, Helen?'

'Sorry, I never give at the office - It makes me feel so insignificant.'

'Sixteen pounds! Forget it, I'd rather settle for a fight.'

Birthday Complaint and Return Department