The Gift Skeptic T-Shirts

"Nobody gets excited about fruitcake."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

Ball as water-melon.

A watch face with Stonehenge

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Where Deviled Eggs come from

Customer entering bank that is touting number of toasters given away

T-Rex Game of Choice - Ping Pong

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"Shouldn't have, you really."

"Roadkill cookies"

'The worst thing about it is I'm claustrophobic.'

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

Santa's Helpers

"Pass that."

Regifts of the Magi

International House of Excrement

'Buy two pounds and I'll throw in the sword.'

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

'If you're out and about today don't forget the pith helmet.'

'...You're just not built to take selfies.'

"I've been really craving Italian food for months now. Can you grab me two kilos of rigatoni, three kilos of fettuccini, and a bigger shell? The one I have is feeling a bit too tight lately."

"I'm glad I don't have to put gas in it. the downside is that it takes a lot of time to put 3,000 AA batteries in it."

"That's $20 for you if you pluck the tail feathers off my rival over there..."

Captionless: A fisherman is handed his bobbin and fishing hook by a octopus

Notorious gangsters, Bunny and Clyde.

"What seems to be the problem?"

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

Traffic calming ahead.

A man's brain is in a glass on his bed stand next to his dentures.

Undertaker with 'light', 'done', and 'RIP' settings on his toaster.

'Hello, is that the employment agency? It's about the domestic you sent me.'