Ironic Gift Seeker T-Shirts

"I can't afford to feed you."

Contract Hit-Man

'Maybe he said store the wine horizontally...'

"We're gonna light you up like a... like a..."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

Ball as water-melon.

A watch face with Stonehenge

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Customer entering bank that is touting number of toasters given away

T-Rex Game of Choice - Ping Pong

Where Deviled Eggs come from

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

Santa's Helpers

"Shouldn't have, you really."

"Roadkill cookies"

"Pass that."

Regifts of the Magi

International House of Excrement

"That's $20 for you if you pluck the tail feathers off my rival over there..."

Notorious gangsters, Bunny and Clyde.

"What seems to be the problem?"

'...You're just not built to take selfies.'

"I've been really craving Italian food for months now. Can you grab me two kilos of rigatoni, three kilos of fettuccini, and a bigger shell? The one I have is feeling a bit too tight lately."

'Buy two pounds and I'll throw in the sword.'

Fish mobsters.

'If you're out and about today don't forget the pith helmet.'

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

Kid Hints To Santa That He Wants A Bicycle For Christmas

"I'm glad I don't have to put gas in it. the downside is that it takes a lot of time to put 3,000 AA batteries in it."

Traffic calming ahead.