Ironic Gift Seeker T-Shirts

"I can't afford to feed you."

Contract Hit-Man

'Maybe he said store the wine horizontally...'

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

Ball as water-melon.

A watch face with Stonehenge

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Where Deviled Eggs come from

T-Rex Game of Choice - Ping Pong

Customer entering bank that is touting number of toasters given away

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

Santa's Helpers

"Roadkill cookies"

"Shouldn't have, you really."

"Pass that."

Regifts of the Magi

International House of Excrement

'If you're out and about today don't forget the pith helmet.'

'...You're just not built to take selfies.'

"That's $20 for you if you pluck the tail feathers off my rival over there..."

Notorious gangsters, Bunny and Clyde.

"I'm glad I don't have to put gas in it. the downside is that it takes a lot of time to put 3,000 AA batteries in it."

"I've been really craving Italian food for months now. Can you grab me two kilos of rigatoni, three kilos of fettuccini, and a bigger shell? The one I have is feeling a bit too tight lately."

'Buy two pounds and I'll throw in the sword.'

"What seems to be the problem?"

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

Kid Hints To Santa That He Wants A Bicycle For Christmas

Traffic calming ahead.

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

'My 'friend' has this problem, Doctor!'