Gift-giving Skeptic T-Shirts

'I put hopeless at Christmas shopping into a search engine and your name came up!'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

Easter Island Cheeseheads

Ball as water-melon.

A watch face with Stonehenge

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Customer entering bank that is touting number of toasters given away

Where Deviled Eggs come from

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Tipping Pain Chart

'The worst thing about it is I'm claustrophobic.'

A baby using a heavy duty drill

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

"Shouldn't have, you really."

"Roadkill cookies"

Santa's Helpers

"Pass that."

Regifts of the Magi

International House of Excrement

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

Notorious gangsters, Bunny and Clyde.

'...You're just not built to take selfies.'

Fish mobsters.

Captionless: A fisherman is handed his bobbin and fishing hook by a octopus

'If you're out and about today don't forget the pith helmet.'

'Buy two pounds and I'll throw in the sword.'

"What seems to be the problem?"

"That's $20 for you if you pluck the tail feathers off my rival over there..."

"I asked for a bottle of something that would make men drool over me. This is bourbon."

"I'm glad I don't have to put gas in it. the downside is that it takes a lot of time to put 3,000 AA batteries in it."

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."