Gift-giving Extraodinaire Pillows

"I know you wrapped it yourself. I recognised the duct tape."

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'They're dog roses!'

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

Tipping Pain Chart

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

'They give you a lot of treats while they're training you, so play dumb for as long as you can.'

'Hand these out to the workforce.'

Rent-a-Drama: "How many tweens will you need for your event?"

A sheep, a humming bird and a beetle - 'Baa, hum, bug'

Russian Doll Christmas

'Come on...no one would be dumb enough to buy those in a million years!'

"Mom told me I can't give you any more tools for Father's Day, Birthday or Christmas."

Acme Coffee Co.

inflation at Christmas

"Yes, Doreen, I think I am capable of unconditional love."

"I want to get him something for Christmas he's never had before."

"Seriously? Earrings again? How much thought do you actually put into buying me presents?"

Why T-Rex Did Not Go Noodling

Hand Sanitiser in the Middle of the Ocean

Roo felt a little cheated with his new Christmas present.

'. . . we should never have asked mummy what she really wanted for mother's day.'

"I have no idea why there has been zero company this year, but, hello, BEST holiday ever!"

'No, I won't pay $200 for a silk top hat for your snowman!'

"We couldn't have given her a BETTER birthday present, Agatha!"

Father Christmas and Rudolph

"Happy birthday!"

Love Delivery