Gift-giving Extraodinaire Pillows

"I know you wrapped it yourself. I recognised the duct tape."

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'They're dog roses!'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

Tipping Pain Chart

'I gotta bad feeling about this.'

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

'They give you a lot of treats while they're training you, so play dumb for as long as you can.'

'Hand these out to the workforce.'

Sorry about the odor --- Phone booths have gone out of style so I had to change in a dumpster.

Rent-a-Drama: "How many tweens will you need for your event?"

A sheep, a humming bird and a beetle - 'Baa, hum, bug'

Russian Doll Christmas

'Come on...no one would be dumb enough to buy those in a million years!'

An Anarchist's Christmas

Acme Coffee Co.

inflation at Christmas

"Mom told me I can't give you any more tools for Father's Day, Birthday or Christmas."

"Yes, Doreen, I think I am capable of unconditional love."

Why T-Rex Did Not Go Noodling

Hand Sanitiser in the Middle of the Ocean

"Seriously? Earrings again? How much thought do you actually put into buying me presents?"

"I want to get him something for Christmas he's never had before."

Roo felt a little cheated with his new Christmas present.

'. . . we should never have asked mummy what she really wanted for mother's day.'

"Happy birthday!"

"I have no idea why there has been zero company this year, but, hello, BEST holiday ever!"

"Well? Try them out!"

'No, I won't pay $200 for a silk top hat for your snowman!'

Father Christmas and Rudolph

Love Delivery