Getting Elected Gifts

'The trouble with electing a man on horseback is that somebody has to clean up after him.'

'You will meet a tall, dark campaign manager, and get elected to Congress.'

They're Not Just That Into It

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"This is the most important election of our lifetime."

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

Vehicles are having their own election. These are the candidates. The ambulance appeals to voters who think health care is most important. Voters focusing on education issues favor the school bus. And those wanting family-friendly policies are backing the minivan. The tractor is an expert on agricultural issues, and the import is a free trade advocate. Those voters concerned about environmental issues like the electric hybrid, and those wanting a strong military support the Jeep. What's t

"Away with the warmonger!"

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

I've Always Wanted to Be Oppressed By Someone Who Looks Like Me

To Err Is Human, to Mess up Big-Time Is Democratic

Trump Poutine

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Elections

Unfettered Corporate Campaigning.

'Why does my opponent keep lying about me?', 'Because truth is stranger than fiction?'

The Russian Election.

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

'We're asking what america can do without to reduce the deficit...no, ma'ma! the Gop and Dems are not options!'

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

'With these video-phones, there's just too much documentation on all my promises.'

'My plan for the mid east has approval of both Houses of Congress, Oprah, Larry King, Lettermen and Leno.'

'The only cuts we can all agree with are their cutting remarks!'

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

Joe Biden

Why should I take you home instead of your friend? (Republican and Democrat).

Trump Destroying U.S. the Postal Service

'Democracy? -- do you REALLY want the bars closed every election day?'

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

Arnold's first day on the job - 'What do you mean...no director!!!...and who is going to tell me what to do?'

'Stocks dropped on the news that governments can fool some people come of the time,but not all the people all of the time.'

'This 'infrastructure' stuff you keep talking about -- does it have anything to do with vegetables?'