Gestation Guru Gifts

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"I don't understand. Everyone knows I'm here yet no-one calls in to say hello."

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

'What's play?'

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"Is there a vegan option?"

"Winning isn't everything, Josh. Not being the reason your team loses is everything."

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

'You the one who called Amnesty International?'

'Mind how you cross the ocean.'

"Migration? I love chasing the endless summer, but travelling such distances with kids is exhausting..."

Playing Mozart to the baby.

Santa called but you were out!

Six-tier Communal Cradle.

Smart card.

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

"This is System One and I am holding the beta for System Two."

The AdRams Family no.13 - Exams

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

"You're developing a nice, rich compost down here."

Parent Involvement Tip #1

'The best way to teach my son is by example, you know: Monkey see, monkey do...'

Regifts of the Magi

Valentines Day truck

"Do you ever get the feeling that maybe the baby is listening to us?"

"We're wasting our time. He gets them free at work."

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."