Baby Belly Guru Gifts

Welcome to the uterus. Please be seated. Your mother will be with you in nine months.

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"Sorry Tina, I won't be able to come over: Joey is finally asleep and I don't dare move..."

"Please don't kill me."

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

"No, it's still just a thirst for spaghettios."

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

Preparing for a new arrival

Perfection

'Cut back on the women and song. You can still have the wine though.'

"Stuffing your face while watching TV does cause obesity."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- it's hard to believe we're related.'

Several of the med students had been cheerleaders when they were undergrads.

'Haven't you heard that hypernutrition in the first years can lead to obesity in later life.'

"Your results show you have the body of a young man, unfortunately it's an very obese young man with chronic health problems."

"Obesity is neither contagious or genetic, and yet, it is passed on, from parents to children."

'It's no use he just doesn't understand the let-down reflex!'

'That's way too irregular. I recommend regular exercise.'

'I love my obstetrician! He brings out the kid in me!'

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's having a wardrobe malfunction!'

'I don't care as long as don't end up being eaten over a sink.'

'Thanksgiving dinner will be ready some time in February.'

"Is there anything I should avoid after childbirth?"

"The Toast Whisperer"

'What happened to you?'

"Take it for excess gas."

Why it's called child-rearing.

'To be honest, Mr. Thompson, yours is the worst case of trapped wind I've ever come across.'

Who Asked You?

'12 varieties of pizza does NOT constitute a 'varied diet'.'

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.