Gene Philosopher Gifts

Strand of DNA as a tightrope

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Call me?"

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

"You need to justify your own existence first."

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

'Young lady, I'm afraid existential despair is no excuse for not eating your lima beans.'

'Where's the elephant cemetery? It's a secret, and anyway, you'd be the last person I'd tell!'

"Death coach..."

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

Life, love and a lot of bananas.

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

'That's interesting -- I seem to have discovered the gene that makes people want to become geneticists.'

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

'Life passed me by without using a turn signal.'

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

Women

"Sure, my dad and my granddad and my granddad's dad were all domesticated. But that doesn't mean I have to be."

"I once experienced childlike wonder. . . but it was just my anti-depressants kicking in."