Gavel Wielder Gifts

'The opportunity to be fair and just is rewarding - but what I especially like is taking the law into my own hands.'

Judge banging down gavel on mouse by mistake.

"No, I'm not calling for order in the court. I'm tenderizing a porterhouse steak. Do continue, counselor."

Paul Ryan

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

Justice 4 Ron

Lady Justice.

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'After counsel said, 'You did it', the defendant said, 'Did not', followed by a, 'Did too'. . .'

'You are charged with contempt of CNN....'

"If the 'Disorderly Conduct' charge is dropped, your Honor, my client will plead guilty to the lesser charge of 'Zany Antics'."

Pay Cut for QCs: 'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'

Other than a high chair, what qualifies you to sit in judgment? A lethal gavel.

'I wonder how my husband is managing at the construction site with my gavel.'

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten! (Published previously September 25, 2006.)

'Our new product has increased growth in our legal department.'

Late library book. Judge says, 'I don't think you're taking this seriously'.

'If you don't stay seated, I'll have to use my pop-up blocker.'

'I predict they go with an insanity defense.'

"Overruled!"

Judge knocking at 'audits' so that 'CPA's' lose their money

"Your Honor, all this pretrial publicity has made my client look fat."

Ask me about my uppercut.