Gavel Holder Gifts

'...If you cannot afford a lawyer, the trial will go a lot faster.'

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

Lady Justice.

Justice 4 Ron

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

"Your Honor, prior to sentencing, if it please the court, I'd like to make just a few brief remarks about pâte brisée."

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'After counsel said, 'You did it', the defendant said, 'Did not', followed by a, 'Did too'. . .'

"If the 'Disorderly Conduct' charge is dropped, your Honor, my client will plead guilty to the lesser charge of 'Zany Antics'."

'You are charged with contempt of CNN....'

Pay Cut for QCs: 'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten! (Published previously September 25, 2006.)

'We're ready to order... ORDER!'

Other than a high chair, what qualifies you to sit in judgment? A lethal gavel.

'I wonder how my husband is managing at the construction site with my gavel.'

"No, I'm not calling for order in the court. I'm tenderizing a porterhouse steak. Do continue, counselor."

'Our new product has increased growth in our legal department.'

Late library book. Judge says, 'I don't think you're taking this seriously'.

'If you don't stay seated, I'll have to use my pop-up blocker.'

"I-800-DOGYLAW"

Judge knocking at 'audits' so that 'CPA's' lose their money

Must you be so judgmental?

'I predict they go with an insanity defense.'

"Overruled!"