Gavel Juggler Gifts

Counselor, I get the feeling that you're killing time because you're unprepared to try your case. What's wrong, judge? Don

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

Football

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

Travelling

Opening the Barrel

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

A woman watches football on her computer.

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

Where there's a Mall--There's a Way.

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

"Balanced Diet"

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

Shops Shops Shops - 'I've just remembered! We came here to catch a flight!'

Pay Cut for QCs: 'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'

"No, I'm not calling for order in the court. I'm tenderizing a porterhouse steak. Do continue, counselor."

'I wonder how my husband is managing at the construction site with my gavel.'

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten! (Published previously September 25, 2006.)

'Our new product has increased growth in our legal department.'

'If you don't stay seated, I'll have to use my pop-up blocker.'

Judge knocking at 'audits' so that 'CPA's' lose their money

"I-800-DOGYLAW"

'I predict they go with an insanity defense.'

Sorry, sir, but today is Tuesday, and I never did get the hang of Tuesdays.

"Now tell me your legal problem very slowly, with every detail, no matter how irrelevant. Feel free to digress, babble and, especially, backtrack."

'The opportunity to be fair and just is rewarding - but what I especially like is taking the law into my own hands.'

I could only get a settlement of £50,000 and you get some of it.

'Mac, when are we going to get the pickup truck fixed?'

'My client pleads not guilty, Your Honor, on the grounds that it's so hard to find decent role models these days.'

"Anytime you need a sherpa, you can't find one."

'I like you, you've got balls.'