Gavel Appreciator Gifts

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

Snapshots in Time

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'After counsel said, 'You did it', the defendant said, 'Did not', followed by a, 'Did too'. . .'

Future Candidates For "Colorization"

"If the 'Disorderly Conduct' charge is dropped, your Honor, my client will plead guilty to the lesser charge of 'Zany Antics'."

"Tell your assistant it's perfect."

'You are charged with contempt of CNN....'

Pay Cut for QCs: 'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'

'I wonder how my husband is managing at the construction site with my gavel.'

"There's trouble, boys. Let's pants up and move out!"

'Our new product has increased growth in our legal department.'

Late library book. Judge says, 'I don't think you're taking this seriously'.

"Your Honor, all this pretrial publicity has made my client look fat."

"Overruled!"

"I-800-DOGYLAW"

Judge knocking at 'audits' so that 'CPA's' lose their money

'I predict they go with an insanity defense.'

'Hey, we're in style!'

Must you be so judgmental?

'I realize that hearsay evidence isn't admissible by the court, Your Honor, but you're going to love this!'

"Now tell me your legal problem very slowly, with every detail, no matter how irrelevant. Feel free to digress, babble and, especially, backtrack."

'The opportunity to be fair and just is rewarding - but what I especially like is taking the law into my own hands.'

'In your defense, I see you're not very bright. Most folks take the elevator.'

I could only get a settlement of £50,000 and you get some of it.