Gavel Appreciator Pillows

Other than a high chair, what qualifies you to sit in judgment? A lethal gavel.

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

Snapshots in Time

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"I really wanted to get you off but I didn't want to make a mockery of Justice."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"...and thank you for sending my guardian angel to protect me from that truck today..."

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"If the 'Disorderly Conduct' charge is dropped, your Honor, my client will plead guilty to the lesser charge of 'Zany Antics'."

"Tell your assistant it's perfect."

Future Candidates For "Colorization"

'After counsel said, 'You did it', the defendant said, 'Did not', followed by a, 'Did too'. . .'

'You are charged with contempt of CNN....'

Pay Cut for QCs: 'I put it to you that this strikes at the very foundations of justice!'

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten! (Published previously September 25, 2006.)

'I wonder how my husband is managing at the construction site with my gavel.'

"No, I'm not calling for order in the court. I'm tenderizing a porterhouse steak. Do continue, counselor."

"There's trouble, boys. Let's pants up and move out!"

'Our new product has increased growth in our legal department.'

Late library book. Judge says, 'I don't think you're taking this seriously'.

'Hey, we're in style!'

"Your Honor, all this pretrial publicity has made my client look fat."

Judge knocking at 'audits' so that 'CPA's' lose their money

Must you be so judgmental?

'I predict they go with an insanity defense.'

"Overruled!"

"I-800-DOGYLAW"

'I realize that hearsay evidence isn't admissible by the court, Your Honor, but you're going to love this!'

"Now tell me your legal problem very slowly, with every detail, no matter how irrelevant. Feel free to digress, babble and, especially, backtrack."

'In your defense, I see you're not very bright. Most folks take the elevator.'

'The opportunity to be fair and just is rewarding - but what I especially like is taking the law into my own hands.'