Gastropub Fiend Gifts

"It's fondue night!"

Emergency Hipster Beard

'Sorry... We don't serve food here.'

Too many cooks also spoil the movie.

"We call it 'dish' of the day, but it's actually served on a plank of wood."

Rosemary's Baby Supplies

Liberties: civil and uncivil.

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

'You had a 9 on one, a 7 on two, a 10 on three, a 23 on four...that hurt...'

"We love your manuscript! It's exactly the sort of big, sprawling epic we've been looking for!"

'This course is a great ego builder.'

Snake party games

'I've got the bill if it's too small.'

Fast food trap.

Vampire doing sit ups in his coffin.

"It's not gravy. Your French Fries fell on the floor."

Formula One Finish Line.

Old Irascible? Someone call?

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the 'grande' size anymore without a prescription.'

'She's going to six different psychiatrists for her compulsive comparison shopping problem.'

Maybe substituting chocolate cookies for poker chips wasn't such a good idea.

Fat Cats and Dogs

"Use the platinum card—I need the miles."

Decisions...Decisions.

"Your dinner will be later than expected, but how much later depends on where you go for it."

'No way, I can't stand country and western.' (Farm Aid Rock festival in Somerset.)

'She's definitely had work done.'

',,,,,and make it snappy'

"Arthur and I both like books with unreliable narrators. The problem is that he only reads nonfiction."

The card room at Bath

"I'm a petrol head, doctor, I've got cars on my mind 24/7..."

"Quickly! Call the hair stylist!"

A Cocoon fat from Junk food.

'Table for two...'

Burger Lure