Garden Of Giggles Gifts

'I don't know, it just no longer feels that original.'

The Busy Gardener

'You lifted your head.'

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

'A rose by any other name means I flunked the botany test.'

Beware of the Dog Hair.

"Garden variety allergies."

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

"Hello Mr Flower. You've got a pretty face. But your feet are filthy."

"I might just get a pie."

Yard Sale

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

Beginning Yarder.

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

J. Wilbert Dentist - Sorry We're Open

'...and this is the water garden...'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Frontispiece to the Artists' Catalogue.

'Where are you going?'

Balding gnomes

'I wish to refer you to a tree surgeon. You have all the symptoms of Dutch Elm disease!'

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

"I used to have A Green thumb but it was mainly for hedge funds."

"The gods are distributing Chinese menus."

"I now recognize the basement was a bad idea."

Technical Terms Explained: Suckers.

'Oh yeah? Well I'm not crazy about your humming, either!'

'I'm not making a mess, Mom -- I'm becoming one with the Earth!'