Gardening Giggler Gifts

"I've found the lawnmower!"

"Wordplay - transplant. I used to be a gladiola."

The Busy Gardener

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

'A rose by any other name means I flunked the botany test.'

"Garden variety allergies."

Hardy Annuals

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

"Hello Mr Flower. You've got a pretty face. But your feet are filthy."

Beginning Yarder.

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

Yard Sale

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

"What are you in for?"

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

'...and this is the water garden...'

Garden of Eden and scrumping

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

'Where are you going?'

I'm going for former flower children. Tree's Tree Nursery. Legal pot. Legal grass. Festuca. Carex. Miscanthus.

'He never listened to his mother!'

Balding gnomes

'I wish to refer you to a tree surgeon. You have all the symptoms of Dutch Elm disease!'

'Oh yeah? Well I'm not crazy about your humming, either!'

Technical Terms Explained: Suckers.

"I now recognize the basement was a bad idea."

'There goes the squeak in your brakes, Mrs. Ferguson.'