Garden Giggles Gifts

'We found it washed up on the beach and thought it would make a nice water feature.'

'Daisys squirting-no punch line'

Pogo-stick and the Gardener.

'Gareth, would you stop making mountains out of molehills?'

The Busy Gardener

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

'A rose by any other name means I flunked the botany test.'

Beware of the Dog Hair.

"Garden variety allergies."

Hardy Annuals

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

'I know what you're thinking, are those legal shoes.'

"Hello Mr Flower. You've got a pretty face. But your feet are filthy."

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

Yard Sale

Beginning Yarder.

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

"What are you in for?"

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'...and this is the water garden...'

'I wish to refer you to a tree surgeon. You have all the symptoms of Dutch Elm disease!'

Frontispiece to the Artists' Catalogue.

Balding gnomes

I'm going for former flower children. Tree's Tree Nursery. Legal pot. Legal grass. Festuca. Carex. Miscanthus.

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

'Where are you going?'

"I now recognize the basement was a bad idea."

'Oh yeah? Well I'm not crazy about your humming, either!'

Technical Terms Explained: Suckers.

'I'm not making a mess, Mom -- I'm becoming one with the Earth!'

"I used to have A Green thumb but it was mainly for hedge funds."