Garden Gnomes T-Shirts

"Those conifers next door planted are a godsend."

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

The Phantom Of The Garden

Show and Tell.

Frontispiece to the Artists' Catalogue.

Watering the garden gnome

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

The Perfect Garden.

Animals looking at a map of the crops on a farm.

"Ohh darling - how lovely..!!"

Bird sees coo coo bird emerge from birdhouse

'How do they know it's breakfast time? It's your garden clock, birdbrain!'

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

Beware of highly intelligent but extremely savage dog.

You'll need all your energy when you get home.

"Found it when I was digging the garden...."

"Your rose dust gets into everything, and your caladiums attract toads; and another thing: your damn marigolds are stinking up the whole area."

Gardening store selling Action-Gnome.

'. . . He's such a slime ball!'

"I can't believe I threw all that away for a Cox's pippin!"

"Genome, Bobby, not gnome."

"Should I fix it or call it a water feature?"

"If this company can make an herbal soda...there's no reason why I can't make and sell my own too!"

Elf Farm

'The gnome plays your brother? That's even weirder.'

'Hmm, that would be great for grandpa.'

October: Brush all leaves into a neat pile to rot. They will make valuable plant food.

'This is what happens when you have short arms!'

Old watering can

The G-nome Project (Mapping the genome).

Late at night, the supermarket gnomes emerge and mess up one wheel on every cart.

'He really misses going fishing with his old friends.'

Spring

Mower Fraud!