Garden Gnomes T-Shirts

"Those conifers next door planted are a godsend."

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

The Phantom Of The Garden

Show and Tell.

We practically live out here in the summer.

Frontispiece to the Artists' Catalogue.

Watering the garden gnome

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

Drunk Woman Sees Pink Elephants in her Garden.

The Perfect Garden.

Animals looking at a map of the crops on a farm.

'How do they know it's breakfast time? It's your garden clock, birdbrain!'

Bird sees coo coo bird emerge from birdhouse

"Ohh darling - how lovely..!!"

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

Beware of highly intelligent but extremely savage dog.

Gardening store selling Action-Gnome.

You'll need all your energy when you get home.

"I can't believe I threw all that away for a Cox's pippin!"

"Your rose dust gets into everything, and your caladiums attract toads; and another thing: your damn marigolds are stinking up the whole area."

"Found it when I was digging the garden...."

'. . . He's such a slime ball!'

"Genome, Bobby, not gnome."

"Should I fix it or call it a water feature?"

Elf Farm

"If this company can make an herbal soda...there's no reason why I can't make and sell my own too!"

'The gnome plays your brother? That's even weirder.'

October: Brush all leaves into a neat pile to rot. They will make valuable plant food.

Old watering can

'This is what happens when you have short arms!'

'Hmm, that would be great for grandpa.'

The G-nome Project (Mapping the genome).

Late at night, the supermarket gnomes emerge and mess up one wheel on every cart.

Spring

Mower Fraud!