Gallery Regular Gifts

'I only buy art that I can understand.'

'Lovely private view . . . must come again to see the pictures.'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

'Wow...Your work is amazing!'

Painting taking root...

Misunderstood artist

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

'I could do that.'

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

The Rise of Modern Art

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

"Now this I get."

'Wow, talk about genius!'

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

Art Gallery.

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

German School

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

The sunglasses.

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

"It's wonderful, darling. It really says Manhattan."

"I've just got this sudden craving for pizza."

Art Masters as Clowns pt. 2

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

Leaves falling out of a painting.

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

Gallery Pranks