Art Gallery Regular Gifts

Meet the artist

"To be honest Henry, I think I preferred your early brutalist potato period."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

Rodin's Cattle-Grid

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

I painted them all from memory.

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

"I read 'Art News.'"

Anyone would think it's Frieze week...

"Outré or simply bad?"

Art of Surviving

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

Jackson Pollock Signs A Rent Check

"I don't know art, but I know what I like!"

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

"How did this comma get in with all the pieces?"

In the art gallery

'A bad Picasso is still better than a good wall!'

"Here the artist opted for a more impressionistic approach, because drawing a tree is hard."

"Hmmm...I wonder what the artist is trying to say...?"

'Of course we can afford it, Reginald. Just get yourself fired as CEO!'

Understanding art.

'Abstract art is supposed to look that way.' (A rather smarthy attitude in an art gallery)

"While, yes, I could produce those strokes, I lack the context to position an image in the ongoing conversation of contemporary art as enclosed by capitalist forces."

'I only buy art that I can understand.'

Rodins rotten juggler

Tilted painting

'God, it's a relief to get away from that exhibition of a bit.'

His new 'Absence of Anything' reminds me strangely of his earlier blank 'Nothing to Say' canvasses."

Art gallery: 'I think it's lovely.'