Art Gallery Professional Gifts

"I like it."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

I painted them all from memory.

Rodin's Cattle-Grid

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

Jackson Pollock Signs A Rent Check

Art of Surviving

"Outré or simply bad?"

Anyone would think it's Frieze week...

"I don't know art, but I know what I like!"

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

In the art gallery

'Of course we can afford it, Reginald. Just get yourself fired as CEO!'

"How did this comma get in with all the pieces?"

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

Please do not touch the art. Please touch the artist.

'A bad Picasso is still better than a good wall!'

Friends of the Royal Academy - Annual Dinner

"Hmmm...I wonder what the artist is trying to say...?"

Who are you?

"Here the artist opted for a more impressionistic approach, because drawing a tree is hard."

Understanding art.

'Abstract art is supposed to look that way.' (A rather smarthy attitude in an art gallery)

"While, yes, I could produce those strokes, I lack the context to position an image in the ongoing conversation of contemporary art as enclosed by capitalist forces."

How Art Works.

Boy copying abstract artwork in an art gallery.

"Yes, but is it art?"

His new 'Absence of Anything' reminds me strangely of his earlier blank 'Nothing to Say' canvasses."

"You've once said about your work, 'Meow, meow-meow, meeeow.' What did you mean by that?"

'It's a selfie.'