Gallery Regular T-Shirts

'I only buy art that I can understand.'

'Lovely private view . . . must come again to see the pictures.'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

Painting taking root...

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

'Wow...Your work is amazing!'

Misunderstood artist

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'

'I could do that.'

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

The Rise of Modern Art

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"Now this I get."

'Wow, talk about genius!'

Escher exhibition first floor

Art Gallery.

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

German School

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

Gallery Pranks

The sunglasses.

"I've just got this sudden craving for pizza."

"It's wonderful, darling. It really says Manhattan."

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

Gallery book shop - Rodin's Browser

Leaves falling out of a painting.