Future Warlord Hopeful Gifts

Analysts have said the US and Russia are closer to nuclear war than ever. The outcome of the election tomorrow will probably determine whether we live in mediocrity … or whether we suffer a nuclear apocalypse in which a crafty café owner, who's squirreled away scones and ammunition in a vast network of underground bunkers, could rise to become feudal warlord of a brand new world. So ... who are you voting for again? The person I've been preparing ever since 2nd grade to vote for.

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

"I have a huge house, millions in the bank, and a twenty year old wife. But am I happy?..."

"Here's what you wanted – a strategy to live abundantly, build capital, surpass your peers and disappoint your heirs."

'Since we all have to believe in something, I thought, 'Why not money?''

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

"I've accepted that I'm getting richer."

"All those years of dodging taxes and chasing investment yield have kept me in top shape, right?"

The rich, the poor and the terrorist...

Breaking Through

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

"You can take it with you down here - but no social conscience funds."

'As long as they don't touch the undeserving rich.'

'You know full well, your gastric band won't work if you keep eating spaghetti like that!'

'Money can't buy friendship.'-'Neither can poverty.'

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

'The nicotine patch should get you off the nicotine gum.'

'The rich get richer, the poorer get poorer..' '..And the comfortably off stay comfortably off!'

"In keeping with my promise to spread the wealth, I'm giving you all a bigger piece of the pie."

Wealth AcquisitionWealth ManagementSince You Can't Take it with you, Spend it.

"The doctor will see you in a week - if you could still be ill a week on Wednesday."

ACME, Inc. For the man who has everything. It's a home security company.

Piggy bank...cash cow.

Grocer with pretensions of being a soldier

'All I'm saying is that if we don't want to be invaded, we'd be better off with weapons of mass destruction.'

'How am I doing?'

"Sealed for your diets protection."

'I'm working on a ten year degree. Four years in school, and six years to pay off my student loans.'

'What have I told you about bringing your work home with you?'

"Thorg guards our front gate. Gar watches the back wall. And Helman is in charge of cyber security."

First hurdle to getting a loan. Angry woman.