Future Legal Expert Gifts

'When on the stand, keep your answers short, to the point, and in the form of a question.'

Trial by Media

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Well if I can't be a cowboy I'll be a lawyer for cowboys."

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

'There they go - off on their own - and a finer bunch of fledgelings one couldn't ask.'

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

"Hey, I just figured out how to sue the school for loss of my prime childbearing years."

"After I graduate middle school, high school and college, I'll go to law school to get you out of this. But I want my retainer now."

"Whoa, don't ask constitutional questions you don't want to know the answers to."

'I'm not playing 'Bride and Groom' unless you sign this pre-nuptial aggreement!'

'Miss Carruthers, check and see if we have an extradition treaty with Disneyland.'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

Truth

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

"The Supreme Court says a corporation is a 'person?' Well, have you ever tried to take a corporation out for a nice, friendly beer?"

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'You're flunking me? -- What about the statute of limitations?'

The Jose Padilla Experience

Studied the Constitution. Didn't like it.

'There have been a few niggling little concerns expressed about the lack of diversity in the supreme court.'

Statue of Security

Lady Justice.

"I propose legislation to simplify Brexit - the Americans are having a hard time following it."

"Miss Frobisher, could you get me the State of Arizona V's the Apache Nation file?"

'He said his first words today - 'Let's sue them'.'

'The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth in what sense?'

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'Let's play doctor - you be the patient, you be the surgeon, and I'll be the malpractice-attorney.'

'Will this help me get into law school?'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

Comments. Complaints. Constitutional Amendments.

Antonin Scalia

Fairtale prosecutions.

"Manafort's was the best flip yet."