Legal Expertise Gifts

'I'm Tort Law, you want Murphy's...'

Trial by Media

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

The Circular Logic of Fascism

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'And after I'm through, our staff attorney will drop by to assist you with all the pre-nuptial agreement documents!'

"We make crime pay."

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

"Relax, folks! I’m a lawyer. I can always find loopholes!"

Studied the Constitution. Didn't like it.

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

The Jose Padilla Experience

'I blame the nothing for something culture.'

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

'Does the Fifth Amendment apply to report cards?'

"First, we'll look for repressed memories of malpractice suits."

The Devil's in the detail!

"Everybody's impressed with how you can shred incriminating documents into one long strand."

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

'The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth in what sense?'