Legal Experts Gifts

"I can't decide whether to specialize in criminal law or legal punditry."

Trial by Media

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"Amen. . . void where prohibited by law."

The Circular Logic of Fascism

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Hey, I just figured out how to sue the school for loss of my prime childbearing years."

"In case something happens during the surgery and you become incapacitated, have you designated someone to make poor life choices on your behalf?"

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"How come you always take Amnesty International's side?"

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'