Litigation Expert Gifts

Jaws 3 - The Litigation

"I'm looking for a tie that retracts a statement."

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'I'm afraid this new self you reinvented has already been patented.'

"Don't be an idiot, Larry."

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

'If someone sent an email and the National Security Agency did not spy on it, would it still be an email?'

"Or perhaps we could just have them wear these 'M-for-Muslim' patches...."

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

'Place your hand on the e-bible and text me a repeat text of my text...'

Law Offices

'I'd like to sue my way to success.'

'You can't start a job interview with 'How are you ?' It's a veiled inquiry into my general health.'

"I can't decide whether to specialize in criminal law or legal punditry."

'Good morning! Lawyer, lawyers and more lawyers! Who may we sue for you!'

"The only thing trivial about pursuing this trivial lawsuit is my fee!"

'These are from my attorneys for malpractice suit.'

Who to Sue Today.

What did you know?/When did you know it?

"Mr. Packard will sue you now."

"We represent a North Carolina trade association and we'd like to file suit against the Native Americans for introducing our clients to a certain agricultural product."

"My client already has a patent on round things."

'I've always been a proponent of winning people's hearts and minds by suing them.'

Bankruptcy Attorneys: "If you ain't broke, we can fix it."

Suees and Sueers

'Ladies and gentlemen... let's not quibble, when we can sue.'

Uber Out of Luck

Litigation Advice: 'Miss Beamish, in this office never, ever, say 'accidents will happen'...'

"Any history of medical malpractice suits in your family?"

'How did you know that I'm an attorney?'

I.D. Cards Protest Group - Database of members: Name, Age, Address, Income, Occupation, Marital status...