Litigation Specialist Gifts

'No-one calls me a litigious bastard and gets away with it!'

Tesco Litigation Dept - 'They're suing me for going to Sainsburys.'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Hey, I just figured out how to sue the school for loss of my prime childbearing years."

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

New York Corruption - Auditor Watson's Death, and Suspicions on Broadway Works Project

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

Jester Surgeon

Fifty shades of Leveson.

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

'What'll it be?'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'