Litigation Specialist Pillows

'No-one calls me a litigious bastard and gets away with it!'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

'So Captain Ahab, I put it to you that you were deliberately stalking my client!'

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"Hey, I just figured out how to sue the school for loss of my prime childbearing years."

Barristers

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"You're 5 years old now, Timmy. It's about time you retain an attorney."

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

'Of course, I'm argumentative.. I'm PRE-LAW, for goodness sake!'

New York Corruption - Auditor Watson's Death, and Suspicions on Broadway Works Project

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

"Now that I've swung back to depression, I'm truly sorry for what I did when I was manic."

'What'll it be?'

Jester Surgeon

Fifty shades of Leveson.

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."