Litigation Wizard Pillows

"If it weren't for threatening letters I would hardly write at all."

'Jack Gurkenman, lawyer. If you don't get drunk enough to wet your pants, we can sue the destillery!'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

'Get me some shares in public opinion.'

Professor Ernie's history of philosophy. Rene Descartes had a difficult childhood. I think, therefore I am! I know you are, but what am I?!

"That settles it. I'm moving for a retrial."

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

'He's a media consultant. He came with the multimedia software package.'

'For P.R. purposes, let's use the phrase, 'uncanny luck' rather than 'dumb luck'.'

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

"Now, can you explain that with a parable?"

Jaws 3 - The Litigation

'Place your hand on the e-bible and text me a repeat text of my text...'

'I'd like to sue my way to success.'

Law Offices

Man tried to unload a ship in a bottle.

Biblical Procurement Tales: Project Ark.

'I'm a doctor... This man needs someone who can grant me immunity from liability, and fast.'

"I'm looking for a tie that retracts a statement."

'Between you and me, it's a public relations move. I fire you, then bring you back as a consultant.'

"I think I've lost a step with age. Instead of suing I usually just wind up counter suing."

Man taking a shortcut to centre of a maze

"Patient's rights? We recommend you don't become a patient."

"We represent a North Carolina trade association and we'd like to file suit against the Native Americans for introducing our clients to a certain agricultural product."

"Anything but a head shot only angers an attorney."

'Fortunately my health plan covers equipment.'

"The only thing trivial about pursuing this trivial lawsuit is my fee!"

'These are from my attorneys for malpractice suit.'

"Mr. Packard will sue you now."