Litigation Warrior Pillows

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"Another slander suit!"

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'It's a treasure map.'

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

"I'm pre-legal analysis."

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

Time is running out for Julian Assange.

Law Offices

'I'd like to sue my way to success.'

'You'll make lots of money and eat a little caca... that's what attorneys do.'

'Place your hand on the e-bible and text me a repeat text of my text...'

"I love this comedy. What's it called?"

The relationship between you and your employer is not one of equals....Being in a union fixes the imbalance!

Law school: 'Repeat after me, class 'sue 'em first, or be sued!'

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

'Remember, there's nothing to fear, except fear itself and costly litigation.'

Transcendental Litigation

"Shister and Shyster Attorneys at law"

The Washington Arbitrators

"Well, we saved this attorney. Some poacher shot him and removed his highly-prized fin."

"I'm afraid it's a bad case of libel!"

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'