Litigation Warrior Gifts

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Please, James...will you stop worrying whether the baby will meet all government regulations!"

"Another slander suit!"

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'It's a treasure map.'

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."

"I'm pre-legal analysis."

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

Time is running out for Julian Assange.

"I love this comedy. What's it called?"

Law Offices

'You'll make lots of money and eat a little caca... that's what attorneys do.'

'I'd like to sue my way to success.'

The relationship between you and your employer is not one of equals....Being in a union fixes the imbalance!

Law school: 'Repeat after me, class 'sue 'em first, or be sued!'

'Remember, there's nothing to fear, except fear itself and costly litigation.'

Transcendental Litigation

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

The Washington Arbitrators

"Well, we saved this attorney. Some poacher shot him and removed his highly-prized fin."

"He said his first word today - compensation."

"Shister and Shyster Attorneys at law"

"I'm afraid it's a bad case of libel!"

'I would advise against suing the devil, his lawyers are really good.'