Litigation Wizard Gifts

"If it weren't for threatening letters I would hardly write at all."

'Jack Gurkenman, lawyer. If you don't get drunk enough to wet your pants, we can sue the destillery!'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'Get me some shares in public opinion.'

'He's a media consultant. He came with the multimedia software package.'

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

'For P.R. purposes, let's use the phrase, 'uncanny luck' rather than 'dumb luck'.'

"That settles it. I'm moving for a retrial."

'When London Bridge fell down, how much was the contractor sued for?'

"Now, can you explain that with a parable?"

Law Offices

Man tried to unload a ship in a bottle.

'I'd like to sue my way to success.'

Biblical Procurement Tales: Project Ark.

'I'm a doctor... This man needs someone who can grant me immunity from liability, and fast.'

'Between you and me, it's a public relations move. I fire you, then bring you back as a consultant.'

"I'm looking for a tie that retracts a statement."

"I think I've lost a step with age. Instead of suing I usually just wind up counter suing."

Man taking a shortcut to centre of a maze

"Patient's rights? We recommend you don't become a patient."

'These are from my attorneys for malpractice suit.'

"Relax - not only does the devil have the best tunes, he's also got a great lawyer."

"Mr. Packard will sue you now."

"We represent a North Carolina trade association and we'd like to file suit against the Native Americans for introducing our clients to a certain agricultural product."

"Anything but a head shot only angers an attorney."

"The only thing trivial about pursuing this trivial lawsuit is my fee!"

'Fortunately my health plan covers equipment.'

'I've always been a proponent of winning people's hearts and minds by suing them.'