Future Guesser Gifts

'I used to work for the Treasury Department, but there's no future in economic forecasts.'

"There's nothing coming up for tall, dark and handsome. How about medium, balding and warty?"

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

Indigenous knowledge vs. climate projections and weather forecasts.

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

Totalitarian Humour

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

"Something will fall down from the sky and it will be the end of the world - just because you didn't eat all of your carrion for lunch, my boy!"

"Meeting old relatives...is like peeking into our future."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

Paw readings

"It will be all your fault."

Olympic Climate

Pessimists v Optimists.

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

'But if you want the real lowdown, we'll need some of your DNA.'

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

'It's Blurred.'

'We programmed it to simulate living conditions in the year 2000, and it's become hysterical.'

"What the hell happened to this town?"

'So, in 2079 you see the company breaking even. Can you give me some idea where you see things 10 years after that?'

'Come off it-she only said the guys will be fighting over us because you said we lived UNDER a boxing club!'

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

'I really don't know how you got here with your life line!'

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."