Future Guesser T-Shirts

'I used to work for the Treasury Department, but there's no future in economic forecasts.'

"There's nothing coming up for tall, dark and handsome. How about medium, balding and warty?"

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Indigenous knowledge vs. climate projections and weather forecasts.

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

"What's the final episode of 'Seinfeld' about?""It's about nothing."

"I know you think this sort of thing is nonsense sir, and I hate to prove you wrong. But according to my crystal ball, you're not going to give me the raise I'm about to ask for."

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

Totalitarian Humour

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

"Something will fall down from the sky and it will be the end of the world - just because you didn't eat all of your carrion for lunch, my boy!"

Today, a special retro segment of The Fad Herald. It's the Fad Herald. Off the hook! Hey jive turkeys, here's what's not cool: Fossil fuels, dependence on Mideast oil, long gas lines. Here's what's groovy: Solar power, alternative fuels, energy independence. Can you dig? The world is changing, baby! Instead of solar panels, I'm buying a sweet 8-track player. Next week, a look ahead to 2040. What's out: Waiting in long lines to fill up the spacecraft with gas.

Olympic Climate

"It will be all your fault."

Paw readings

"Meeting old relatives...is like peeking into our future."

Pessimists v Optimists.

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

'But if you want the real lowdown, we'll need some of your DNA.'

'It's Blurred.'

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

'We programmed it to simulate living conditions in the year 2000, and it's become hysterical.'

Budgetmageddon

"What the hell happened to this town?"

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

'So, in 2079 you see the company breaking even. Can you give me some idea where you see things 10 years after that?'

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'