Future Grandparent Gifts

'So much talent in the world, and not nearly enough roles for grandmas.'

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

City Zoo: Day Care

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

The Busy Gardener

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

I like the Jets...I guess

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

The Zoo.

Children's Parties

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

Madonna of the Pukes.

"They grow up so fast."

'If I had known it was going to be such a late Spring, i would have never started my garden seeds, indoors.'

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"Look Mommy, hat!"

'I told you it would be useful.'

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.