Grandparent-to-be Gifts

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Did you want to know if the baby's a boy or a girl?"

'This is probably the only time I'll be chauffeur driven and I can't even look out the window!'

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

The Busy Gardener

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

The Zoo.

Madonna of the Pukes.

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

'I told you it would be useful.'

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'Ahhh...'

The Baby Walker

Paul Klee

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

My First Camera

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

Baby Piano