Future Candle Expert Gifts

'This is good practice for blowing out birthday candles.'

boy plugging leak in a barrel with his finger

"With the caveat that the only certainty in this life is uncertainty, I still want to entertain the possibility of being a pundit when I grow up."

Hildegard von Bingen

'You learn how to make dough later. For now, you're on a knead-to-know basis.'

'My husband made my cake from scratch...even the candles.'

'Does this perfume have an antidote?'

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

Candle Moment

'Been biting drunken bitches again, have we?'

'With our romantic candlelight dinner, I'm obligated to include a safe-sex warning.'

"Oh, do you like the candles? I made them myself our of old crayons!"

'Side effects include, headache, dry mouth, muscle fatigue and turning into a frog.'

Candle Size

"Tell you what, dude, I'm writing you a prescription for a scented candle and some granola."

"Lost all track fo time with you. 93 unread messages!"

'I thought I'd cut out the middle men.'

'I called the electric company and told them not to hurry to restore power.'

"It's a little bland, because I microwaved it."

'There's nothing more romantic than candle light when it hides the dirty dishes.'

'Shhhhh...He's preparing for the holiday season.'

Cover Design for the Yellow Book, Vol 1

Man lighting ceiling candle

Candlelight dinner? Oh, Edgar - how romantic. You must've driven around hours.

Happy Holidays: Peace children.

'I see you've heard the news.'

A man climbs a tree to try to blow out the sun.

"Hey - are those scented candles???"

Acme Candles - In case of fire, break glass.

'We should do this more often, not just when the power goes out!'

'What happened? You and the wife having a fight?'

"For god's sake, man! Quick! Blow out the candles!"

'Don't look. You'll burn your eyes out.'

"How many times do I have to tell you I don't like it when you blow in my ear!"