Future Candle Expert T-Shirts

'This is good practice for blowing out birthday candles.'

boy plugging leak in a barrel with his finger

"With the caveat that the only certainty in this life is uncertainty, I still want to entertain the possibility of being a pundit when I grow up."

Hildegard von Bingen

'You learn how to make dough later. For now, you're on a knead-to-know basis.'

'Does this perfume have an antidote?'

"The Internet startup had only enough cash for one more day. But, miraculously, the money lasted for eight days, until more venture capital could be raised."

'Been biting drunken bitches again, have we?'

"Oh, do you like the candles? I made them myself our of old crayons!"

Candle Moment

'With our romantic candlelight dinner, I'm obligated to include a safe-sex warning.'

'Side effects include, headache, dry mouth, muscle fatigue and turning into a frog.'

'There's nothing more romantic than candle light when it hides the dirty dishes.'

'I thought I'd cut out the middle men.'

'I called the electric company and told them not to hurry to restore power.'

"It's a little bland, because I microwaved it."

"Tell you what, dude, I'm writing you a prescription for a scented candle and some granola."

Candle Size

"Lost all track fo time with you. 93 unread messages!"

'Shhhhh...He's preparing for the holiday season.'

Cover Design for the Yellow Book, Vol 1

Man lighting ceiling candle

Candlelight dinner? Oh, Edgar - how romantic. You must've driven around hours.

Happy Holidays: Peace children.

'I see you've heard the news.'

Acme Candles - In case of fire, break glass.

"Hey - are those scented candles???"

A man climbs a tree to try to blow out the sun.

'We should do this more often, not just when the power goes out!'

"For god's sake, man! Quick! Blow out the candles!"

'What happened? You and the wife having a fight?'

Easter Island Candles.