Futbol Gifts

"Watch this bloke, lads, if there's a hole in the wall he'll find it."

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

I like the Jets...I guess

Football Fans

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

Church for sports worshipers.

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

Fly Football

Bowled over again!

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'Just how big of a tailgate party are you expecting to have?'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

'Another football scholarship offer?'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Punt Cake

I can't decide. Should I go to soccer camp 3 weeks in a row? Or soccer, then baseball then lacrosse camp? 3 soccers. Isn't overspecializing at his age bad? Possibly. But 3 different sports means�buying 3 different sets of expensive equipment. Right, He does have a mean corner kick.

The trauma of losing.

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

Football Chameleon

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

If nobody had invented graphics

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

The Brothers Grime

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'