Soccer Gifts

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

"They play union in heaven... where do they play football?"

'Feelings of inadequacy, directionless. It's a classic case. You need goals!'

470 BC: Socrates addresses lifes' difficult questions. "So if the player receiving the ball is past the last defender when the ball is played..."

U.S. vs United Kingdom Football Match

"Jason, I'd like to let you play, but soccer is a girls' game."

The solar system is replaced by sports balls.

"I can no longer tell the difference between what's real football and what's fantasy football."

"I see from your résumé that you enjoy attending the occasional soccer match."

"I don't think much of their defence."

'I know what you're thinking, are those legal shoes.'

'Brian was dropped from the team after picking up a nasty leg injury.'

'At this age, they can't really be coached. It's more like you herd them in one direction and hope the ball goes into the goal.'

"What a match...have you seen that crazy guy running across the field? He was irritating players and fans! I want to know why the scurity guards did not stop him!" "Becase he was the referee."

Liverpool FC Chairman - "It's Man United, they want to know if we've any trophy cabinets going spare."

Football crazy

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'It's not his knee. It appears his feelings are hurt and the team psychologist is rushing out onto the field.'

'I pulled something playing soccer.'

'They think it's Andover - it is Slough!'

"We're playing soccer, not football!"

'Nah, I think your one should be called hand egg.'

Football Penalties

Evolution

'Listen, they've scored five straight goals. It's nothing personal, but I think we need someone with limbs playing goalie.'

Target practice board in the shape of a football referee.

"Hey fellas! I think I've just invented a new football game."

How future cases will be decided if there is a 4-4 tie.

'Perhaps we're not paying them enough money?'

"You've got to admit it, Achilles has had a bloody awful season."

'Aw, come on ref - that was a dive...!'

Yes, they've upped their training for the World Cup

Soccer Ball - "I'm sick and tired of being kicked around all the time."

'I'll bet you would hear everything I say if I were a sports announcer.'

"...we get the girl, you 'ave Beckham."