Soccer Enthusiast Gifts

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

470 BC: Socrates addresses lifes' difficult questions. "So if the player receiving the ball is past the last defender when the ball is played..."

"I see from your résumé that you enjoy attending the occasional soccer match."

'Brian was dropped from the team after picking up a nasty leg injury.'

'At this age, they can't really be coached. It's more like you herd them in one direction and hope the ball goes into the goal.'

'I pulled something playing soccer.'

'Aw, come on ref - that was a dive...!'

"We lost. Someone leveled the playing field."

'I can tell by the look on your face that your mind is somewhere else today.'

"Sorry, I don't know what a handball is anymore either."

'He's giving me a two minute whining.'

'We just figured that with the kids travelling so much for soccer, it made more sense to sell our house and get an RV.'

John Terry

'Your doctor was given some great tickets to the football game, so I'll be standing in for him. Don't worry, I'm an actor who plays a doctor on TV.'

Mohamed Salah

"Mom—listen to how much atmospheric pollution we produce just going to my soccer games."

'Gabrielle! Grace! What did I tell you kids about player soccer in the nest!'

'It doesn't make you less of a man if you can't understand the off-side rule.'

Two boys staring at a soccer ball patterned bird that has hatched from a soccer ball.

'It's only until the end of the season, Mom. I'll visit -- I promise!'

Kev's initial excitement as the club's new Sweeper suddenly dwindled.

'A couple of the other dads and I were thinking of starting up a fight club. . . you in?'

Teenage Angst.

"Enough with the vuvuzela, Dad."

'That's easy: it's the Match of the Day theme tune.'

'Entente Cordiale: When Eric [Cantona]kisses the badge on his shirt it turns round and kisses him right back!'

'There's a scout outside to see you.' - 'Great.'

Footballers claiming to have the umpire in a bag.

'I think I am in love dad - she even understands the offside rule.'

Football Commentator.

Football foul (red card).

'The game's starting to get a bit niggly!'

Tortoise Football Fan

Passionate about Football.

'At least, this referee must be impartial, right?'