Soccer Enthusiast Gifts

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

"I see from your résumé that you enjoy attending the occasional soccer match."

'Brian was dropped from the team after picking up a nasty leg injury.'

'At this age, they can't really be coached. It's more like you herd them in one direction and hope the ball goes into the goal.'

'I pulled something playing soccer.'

"We lost. Someone leveled the playing field."

'Aw, come on ref - that was a dive...!'

"Sorry, I don't know what a handball is anymore either."

'He's giving me a two minute whining.'

'Your doctor was given some great tickets to the football game, so I'll be standing in for him. Don't worry, I'm an actor who plays a doctor on TV.'

"Mom—listen to how much atmospheric pollution we produce just going to my soccer games."

Two boys staring at a soccer ball patterned bird that has hatched from a soccer ball.

"Enough with the vuvuzela, Dad."

'That's easy: it's the Match of the Day theme tune.'

'It doesn't make you less of a man if you can't understand the off-side rule.'

Teenage Angst.

'A couple of the other dads and I were thinking of starting up a fight club. . . you in?'

Kev's initial excitement as the club's new Sweeper suddenly dwindled.

'It's only until the end of the season, Mom. I'll visit -- I promise!'

'Gabrielle! Grace! What did I tell you kids about player soccer in the nest!'

'There's a scout outside to see you.' - 'Great.'

'So this is what happens when I'm away!'

Soccer players off the field.

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

Tortoise Football Fan

Footballers claiming to have the umpire in a bag.

Watching the football.

"The other team won by 12 lucky goals!"

Football Hooliganism

Football Fan.

Stretcher Header.

Football foul (red card).

Football player taking the ball home.

'You should have thought of that before kick-off - now run along and be quick about it!'

'Gosh, you seem to know a lot about soccer. I like that in a coach.'