Football Enthusiast Gifts

'This is getting spooky. Their defence always seems to know what our offence is going to do before the ball is even...'

"False Start!"

"Okay everyone come and get your helmets and pads - players' sizes on the left, parents' on the right."

'Okay, who knows how to solve for 'X'?'

'I'm tired of you criticizing my performance. You didn't think I could hear you through the TV, did you?'

"You know what fellas, I don't want my ball back!"

'Get up, you're not that bad.'

'I say we blame this on society.'

'While you were in the hospital having our fullback, uh...firstborn, I decorated this room.'

"Quick, Bartlett! Instill them with hope!"

'Very nice, Sven, but I'm not sure it will fool the fans.'

"Uh ho. It looks like the Ref's giving him the yellow vuvuzela."

"You'll be lucky! It's the cup final tomrrow"

Superbowl Hyperbole.

'Oh, the poor dear - he's fallen down again!'

'Guys...Guys! I'm trying to sleep down here!'

'We call it 'Fred'. He's our best penalty kicker.'

"What have I told you about playing football indoors?"

'It's the biggest eating event of the year. It's called the 'SUPPER BOWL'.'

Victim support

"So if you don't want to know the final score, look away from your TV screen now."

'No,no,no! One man digs, one man supervises and the other two discuss football!'

'I was school champion at keepy uppy. I bet I can still keep this ball off the ground for hours.'

Bears

'He popped the question last night. 'Who do you think will win the Cup?'

Egyptian Football

'Well, they may be out of time outs but you aren't. Raise your feet!'

Footballers - Andy Cole

'I don't see security as an issue,'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

'I feel sorry for Andy, he could only get a restricted view seat.'

...Another second closer to kick-off....another second..

'Bloody plaster of Paris.'

STRIP *The Fan * He's convinced that since Cole scored...

'AAAARRRGGHHHH, I want my mummy.'