Soccer Pillows

"Did you know that when my mom played soccer, only the winner got a trophy?"

"They play union in heaven... where do they play football?"

'Feelings of inadequacy, directionless. It's a classic case. You need goals!'

U.S. vs United Kingdom Football Match

"Jason, I'd like to let you play, but soccer is a girls' game."

"I can no longer tell the difference between what's real football and what's fantasy football."

The solar system is replaced by sports balls.

"I see from your résumé that you enjoy attending the occasional soccer match."

"I don't think much of their defence."

'I know what you're thinking, are those legal shoes.'

Football crazy

'Brian was dropped from the team after picking up a nasty leg injury.'

"What a match...have you seen that crazy guy running across the field? He was irritating players and fans! I want to know why the scurity guards did not stop him!" "Becase he was the referee."

'At this age, they can't really be coached. It's more like you herd them in one direction and hope the ball goes into the goal.'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'I pulled something playing soccer.'

'It's not his knee. It appears his feelings are hurt and the team psychologist is rushing out onto the field.'

'Listen, they've scored five straight goals. It's nothing personal, but I think we need someone with limbs playing goalie.'

"We're playing soccer, not football!"

Evolution

Football Penalties

'Nah, I think your one should be called hand egg.'

How future cases will be decided if there is a 4-4 tie.

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

"We lost. Someone leveled the playing field."

Soccer Ball - "I'm sick and tired of being kicked around all the time."

'I'll bet you would hear everything I say if I were a sports announcer.'

"Sorry, I don't know what a handball is anymore either."

Target practice board in the shape of a football referee.

'Perhaps we're not paying them enough money?'

'Aw, come on ref - that was a dive...!'

"Suddenly, five minutes into the match, Edwardo goes soft."

'Look at him tackling bribery and corruption charges!'

'Nothing worse than a fussy ref!' (Football referee matching cards with colour chart).

U.S. sports fans struggle to fully appreciate the finer points of soccer!