Soccer Player Pillows

Evolution

"We're playing soccer, not football!"

'Nah, I think your one should be called hand egg.'

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

Wayne Rooney gets a tattoo.

John Terry

"Suddenly, five minutes into the match, Edwardo goes soft."

The corner

'Get up, you're not that bad.'

'Oh, OK then...I won't send you off.'

'Well, I'm glad to have you with us!'

'It's the chairmans idea to get us out of our financial difficulties.'

Football player taking the ball home.

Ref shows footballer green card.

'Why didn't you stop it?' - 'I didn't want to get my new gloves dirty.'

"Uh ho. It looks like the Ref's giving him the yellow vuvuzela."

'Right, we'll take the shallow end.'

'Pretty confident, huh?'

The defence were confident about their offside trap.

'Some of these players get paid more than the prime minister...'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

Footballer uses the ref's foam to shave.

Man caught in bed with football.

'We could have a problem here lads.'

Ball as water-melon.

In Russia, soccer is a contract sport.

'He kicked me!'

'These military teams really take their defence seriously...!'

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

'That's Thompson. Best goalie we've ever had.'

"Seeing as you've been so generous giving goals away lately, you're down to play Santa at the Christmas party!"

'Foul, what foul?'

'I swapped shirts with Peter Crouch.'

Goalie.

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'