Soccer Player Pillows

'Nah, I think your one should be called hand egg.'

"We're playing soccer, not football!"

Evolution

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

"Suddenly, five minutes into the match, Edwardo goes soft."

'Oh, OK then...I won't send you off.'

'Get up, you're not that bad.'

The corner

'These military teams really take their defence seriously...!'

"Your son can really fake an injury. I'm talking at scholarship level."

"Uh ho. It looks like the Ref's giving him the yellow vuvuzela."

Sergio Aguero

Football Hooliganism

'Some of these players get paid more than the prime minister...'

'Why didn't you stop it?' - 'I didn't want to get my new gloves dirty.'

Football player taking the ball home.

'Well, I'm glad to have you with us!'

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

Soccer players off the field.

'Right, we'll take the shallow end.'

'Pretty confident, huh?'

Footballer uses the ref's foam to shave.

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

The defence were confident about their offside trap.

'That's Thompson. Best goalie we've ever had.'

'It's an own goal!'

Ref shows footballer green card.

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

Football

"You do realize that you've made us a man short tomorrow?"

'Guys...Guys! I'm trying to sleep down here!'

"You were supposed to touch knuckles, not give him the elbow!"

Marcus Rashford

'It's the chairmans idea to get us out of our financial difficulties.'

'He kicked me!'