Furry Financier Gifts

'I hear you have a side business.'

A child runs an equity stand.

"If it's all the same to you, I'd like my allowance in bitcoins."

"Sorry, stock-market jitters."

'This is where I keep my investment portfolio.'

"We've decided to diversify our funds on some candy!"

'If you don't learn how to sign your name, you'll have to pay cash!'

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

'I follow my dad's stocks so I know when to ask for an allowance increase.'

"I know your dad's a hedge fund manager, Amber, but you don't need a bigger piece of paper to draw a picture of your house."

'He's precocious.'

"Want to trade banks with me?"

No caption. (Adult pushes buttons at an ATM. Child pushes buttons at an "APBM" - and Automatic Piggy Bank Machine.)

'...and help my parents to pick the right mutual funds in my portfolio for my education...'

'We're going to take a financial risk.'

ABC. Uh-oh, here comes the penalty for early withdrawal.

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

'He's so spoilt, he has his pocket money paid into a Swiss bank account.'

"You have $3,098 in the bank? I'm impressed! So...do you think about investing it?"

Girl holding money.

The Economy Discovers FFF!

"Tooth fairy funds may seem consistent, and birthday money stable, but you really need to consider diversification of your portfolio."

'So much for the will! Now, before you start celebrating, I suggest you think about inheritance taxes, because, according to my calculations, you will be left with. . ."

'This isn't a diploma. It's a stimulus package!'

"I'll look into it, but you're still in the first grade. Normally, they don't give student loans until you're in college."

'What, you again? And you'll want credit as usual, I suppose!'

'Junior, if you don't do your homework and stop daytrading, we'll have to freeze your assets!'

"So that's my presentation: Could I have 100 million for the startup?"

'I already know about the birds and the bees. Tell me about investing my allowance for capital appreciation.'

"Based on the economy and your rate of savings, I've updated your retirement projections."

"I'm afraid we don't offer student loans to elementary school pupils."

'You're allowed up on the couch.'

"It's called investing! You give me your worm now, I eat half of it, feed the other half to the fish and, in a month, we share the fish 10/90 my way. . ."

'It's a good living. They train you to do default swaps and you get paid in seals.'

Teddy, do you really want to be a banker? Roger that. Fat bonuses. Sweet yachts. Vacation villas. You know. The American dream. Where have we gone wrong?