Furniture Store Manager Gifts

'No, this isn't tech support. You've reached ACME furniture company, division of lumbar support.'

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"Excuse me, I'm here to do some sole searching."

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

'If you're having trouble finding what you want, try our other store--'Cabernet Sauvignons Starting with the Letter B'.'

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'Bread, milk, cereal, sugar, sausage, potatoes, beans, biscuits. Click! So easy, but I do miss the sexy till lady.'

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

"Attention, everyone! I'd like to introduce the newest member of our family."

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

"Pretty cushy, am I right?"

"You can't find the menswear department? Oh, I'm sorry, Sir- I was standing in front of it."

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

"I think he said he wants to buy 'just the one'. You'd better fetch the manager"

"That should read $20.00. I'd make the correction, but I don't want to be accused of price-fixing."

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

SupermarketAwful Market.

'They're both nice - which can you ill afford least?'

"I really like this one – but I'm afraid of getting hurt again."

"Bye now... it's always nice to see you and little Tommy!"

"It's also a flat-bed scanner."

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

Self-Checkout.

'A word of advice, the squeaky wheel gets the totally organic, 0 trans-fat, soy-based lubricant.'

Beatlemania: Open 24/8

'Gents toilet? Ah, got me there...'

Take pity on me. I can't give much this year. What is this heresy, son? I didn't get a raise this year, got furloughed this summer, am behind on my cable bill, can't afford proper dates. But it's the holidays. Think of the needy. Pierre in flat-panels has a new baby. Sandy, the mobile device manager, toils so hard for your business. And don't forget Apple. It's got to make its quarter. Computer Villa. Customer service. I shouldn't just think of myself. That's better. I'd like to upgrade all my d

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

Office Supplies: New and improved motivational posters, now with 25% more inspiration.

Sports Memorabilia: Help wanted-losers need not apply.

'I've drawn up a health and safety policy for the company.'

'Oh, honey, what a lovely house... We'll place the couch here, the cupboard there and my psychiatrist right here!'