Furniture Salesperson Gifts

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

"I'm looking for something with low clearance. Something monsters won't be able to get under."

"No more getting up and having to go to the kitchen for a midnight snack."

"They say they're with a private equity firm, but I fear their motives are more sinister."

'Nothing, thanks - we've just come in to check under the cushions.'

"How do I make my water bed more bouncy?"

"People over sixty simply don't have the strength to leave the chair and can therefore not get hurt."

"And you're sure an adjustable bed will help with the sharp pains in my back?"

"Pretty cushy, am I right?"

"Looks like you need a KING."

"And I believe it`s very comfortable although of course I`m not allowed to sit on it."

"If you haven't got a TV, what do you point your furniture at?"

'Does this bed have a sleep number?'

"If you're on a budget, I have something uglier."

'Now, that's what I call a deathbed!'

'Plus, you get to keep any change you happen to find under the cushions.'

Water bed.

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

'Coins found down the back of settees is income.'

"-psst! Wanna buy a hot water bed?"

'This has been our most popular chair since unemployment benefits were extended.'

'Now THAT'S what I call a love seat!'

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

'I hadn't realised we were such a sofa loving nation.'

Furniture Sales. This chair has eight positions! That's seven more than I have these days.

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

Larry's used art

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'