Furniture Protectors Gifts

'I don't care how smart he is, he's not allowed on the furniture!'

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

Thanks to her cat-cam, Cheryl was able to keep her furniture from being shredded while she was at work.

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

'We had him trained to stay off the furniture, right up until we gave up.'

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

Hell No Kitty

"Honey! He's breached the recliner! I repeat, the puppy has breached my La-Z-Boy!!"

Fumes from furniture

An Introvert's Guide to Surviving a Party

"I like to think of myself as a vital link in the homeland-security system."

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

"My wife is constantly invading my personal space. I think she gets it from her family."

'Having him declawed was a total was a total waste of money.'

"Don't invade his space."

'Hello, security.'

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

"The Johnsons finally get around to child-proofing their home."

'Do you have anything that gets rid of unwanted salesmen?'

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

"My client is being more than fair. She is willing to let you keep all the shoes and the house."

"You'd like a second opinion? Okay, I think you should stay off the furniture too."

"There ya go. Cushion rot from farting into the same old chair for 40 years"

While you were out

"Don't push her off! Can't you see she's exhausted?"

'Triple your money back! 100% effective against pesticide resistant insects! Guaranteed!

'You''ll just have to accept the fact that they're more concerned with their furniture than with you.'

'Use it as an end table or, if you want, fold it out to be a fully functional anti-aircraft gun.'

"Oh, for heaven's sake. Use the spray!"

'Remember the good old days when he wasn't allowed on the furniture?'

Who am I kidding?

'I used to wrap the couch in plastic, but this is better.'

"Good defenses make good neighbors."

Couch on stilts so cats can't scratch it