Furniture Protectors Gifts

'I don't care how smart he is, he's not allowed on the furniture!'

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

'We had him trained to stay off the furniture, right up until we gave up.'

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

"Honey! He's breached the recliner! I repeat, the puppy has breached my La-Z-Boy!!"

Fumes from furniture

An Introvert's Guide to Surviving a Party

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

"I like to think of myself as a vital link in the homeland-security system."

'Having him declawed was a total was a total waste of money.'

"Don't invade his space."

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

'Hello, security.'

"The Johnsons finally get around to child-proofing their home."

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

'Do you have anything that gets rid of unwanted salesmen?'

"You'd like a second opinion? Okay, I think you should stay off the furniture too."

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

'You''ll just have to accept the fact that they're more concerned with their furniture than with you.'

'Triple your money back! 100% effective against pesticide resistant insects! Guaranteed!

"There ya go. Cushion rot from farting into the same old chair for 40 years"

'Remember the good old days when he wasn't allowed on the furniture?'

'Use it as an end table or, if you want, fold it out to be a fully functional anti-aircraft gun.'

"Don't push her off! Can't you see she's exhausted?"

"Oh, for heaven's sake. Use the spray!"

While you were out

Who am I kidding?

'I used to wrap the couch in plastic, but this is better.'

"Good defenses make good neighbors."

The Moth Menace.

Couch on stilts so cats can't scratch it